Julesagain: 04/20/2008

4/23/2008

my brother Brad

I don't know if many people on here know about my brother Brad, who committed suicide just two weeks before Lee died. In fact, we had just returned from his funeral the night before I was notified about Lee. His death kind of got overshadowed by Lee's death, which is sad and unfair to his memory.

My mom, who lost a child also, probably hasn't gotten the support she would have, needed, because all of us were reeling at the double blow. She certainly didn't get anything useful from me, but I think my sibs have been hard pressed to be there for both of us as well, and she probably has been shorted.

Last night I was searching through the pockets of my overcoat, and my fingers found a piece of folded up paper, and I froze, remembering something I hadn't thought of since it happened. I was sitting under the tent graveside in Hendersonville, and reached into the pocket of that same coat for a tissue. And pulled out the eulogy I read at Brad's funeral a week before. I sat there staring at it, not knowing what to do next.

We miss you Brad. We miss your laugh, your love of the ridiculous, your practical jokes, your soft heart, your Pied Piper schemes that you always managed to suck us all into, your myriad nicknames for all of us sibs.

Bradley Stuart - 1961-2006

07-17-09 - Some backstory stuff.

Anything I've had to say in the last couple of years has been over on MySpace. Yeah, I know, its cheesy, its buggy, its fashionable to make fun of MySpace.

I started a page at the request of my daughter, and then lost her in a car wreck a few weeks later, just two weeks after losing my brother. After that, it became a place to connect to her friends and learn things about her, and to vent. I've added a few of the blogs from there that got the most comment. Please feel free to dig through them and pass them along to anyone that might be helped or prodded towards some self reflection, or who is dealing with grief. Comments have been deactivated for the most part - I'm trying to survive it in the sense that I don't wallow in the misery, and constant revisiting it doesn't serve that goal.

If you want to know more, click on the link below:
Complete MySpace blog

I'm also on Facebook. That page is pretty locked down though, for privacy/work reasons. They're finally making it a little easier to be somewhat incognito on Facebook, but they aren't there yet. Feel free to add me here, though.

During the past year, I helped a paramedic friend write a book about his 22 years on the street, called "Hero Pants". It's funny, disturbing, sad and enlightening. I think it's a damned good book, but don't take my word for it. You can read some excerpts at www.jimhaden.com or see some reviews on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. It has been gratifying and exciting to see the enthusiasm from the medical, and especially the pre-hospital care crowd. We've almost sold out of the first printing, but should have the 2nd batch in about 3-4 weeks. [UPDATE 9-16-09] 3-4 days :)
[UPDATE 5-1-10] Sold over 750 books - thanks everyone! Still have a decent supply, so order one for yourself or your favorite medic/nurse/firefighter!